Coming to Terms With Losing My Outer Beauty

     I think one of the hardest things I've had to deal with regarding my own feeling of self is the loss of my outer beauty.  I think that coming to terms with my appearance and such is another way to the road to a healthier me. I need to be ok and healthy with what I look like and love myself for the person I am inside.

     When I was younger I was attractive. I was told that I was very pretty even though I never really thought I was that much to look at. I did however notice that I was photogenic and did not mind my picture being taken. Even when I felt ugly I thought I looked good in pictures. I know, strange right...but that is how I felt. I saw a different person in the mirror most of the time than the camera saw. But looking back I was attractive.

     One of my best features was my smile. I had straight teeth and a nice smile. That is gone, I have had to get some of my teeth pulled which has messed up my smile. It is not pretty anymore ant that has been a hard thing for me to give up.

     I am also very overweight so I know that changes how my face looks but I don't think it changes it much. I am getting older, wrinkled and well just not a beauty anymore.  I used to turn heads of guys, now they don't give me a second glance. To say none of this bothers me would be a lie. It is hard to realize that you are no longer attractive and that your outer beauty is going away. It is just not an easy pill to swallow.

     So my battle is to accept that outer beauty does not last forever, it fails us. The person we are inside is the beauty that must shine through. That is still rough when the mirror is your enemy but somehow a person has to find that inner beauty in themselves. I must find that inner beauty in myself. I must get past losing my outer beauty. I must realize that it is not important.

     What is funny is that I see other people who are maybe even heavier than I am, I see them as beautiful. I do not see their weight as a hindrance to their beauty. Maybe that is because I see their inner beauty and it shines above all else. I also see people with more wrinkles than I have as beautiful.

     My goal now along with getting to a comfortable weight is to find a way to accept the loss of my outer beauty and let the inner beauty of my soul shine through for in the end that is all we have left anyhow.